The 'L' Word

When I was a child, there were a few words that were not allowed said in our home. My parents didn't mind hearing the occasional curse word (at least not from me, but I'm told I was spoiled), but we had to avoid the 'F' word.  We also could not say the 'N' word, though none of us really ever wanted to say it so that wasn't an issue.  Other than those two words, that's about it. And it wasn't like a scary rule in our home, it was just a mindful respect we lived by, knowing that mom and dad didn't want to hear those words. 

With my own children, I haven't heard myself ever saying 'don't say that word'.  They've never heard the 'N' word, so wouldn't know what it is, and though they've heard me say the 'F' word on occasion (okay, maybe I do say it now, but reserved for things like when I stub my toe), but so far my little cherubs don't repeat the 'F' word. My 5 year old certainly uses the word 'Dammit' a lot, and he's likely picked that up from me. Instead of admonishing him for it, I'm just taming my own use of the word.

Most recently; however, there was a word one of my daughters used and I found myself instantly addressing the use of the word.  I didn't fuss at her, I didn't get upset, and I made sure I didn't make too big a deal of it other than gently interjecting my own thoughts about the word.  And whilst my children may now grow up calling it the 'L' word, the word is actually 'Luck' or 'Lucky' (insert me cringing).

I was probably in my mid-twenties before I realized the negative impacts of using the word 'Luck'.  Until then, I wouldn't think twice about saying 'Oh, you're so lucky', or 'lucky bastard' or about myself with 'how lucky am I!'.  I'm not sure what pivotal moment happened, but I recall it was in an instant when I suddenly became absolutely enraged at hearing those words to describe.....anything.  I consciously chose to stop using the word 'Luck' and over the years I reprogrammed my brain to replace the word 'luck' with words that give me or others due credit for good fortune. I suppose in a way it's very similar to when I stopped thanking the word 'God' all the time, and started thanking myself instead. With the word 'luck' I sometimes (not often) will still slip up, but I suppose since I spent half my life unconsciously using it, I'm likely to have a slip now and then. 

Possibly if my children don't grow up putting so much weight in to 'luck', but learn to give themselves credit for making things happen, then their self esteems will be stronger then mine ever was. When they find themselves feeling euphoric about something, they will reflect upon how THEY made it happen. Whether it's landing a great job, launching a successful business, kissing their soulmate, or even being handed a big bag of money from a total stranger - they will reflect on what steps they made to make these events happen.  They won't 'thank god' or won't say 'oh how lucky am I' (hopefully, they do thank the stranger).   They will say 'I worked hard to get that job', or 'wow, that was easy to get that job, how smart am I to make it happen so easily' or 'I'm so happy with my soulmate, I'm glad I was smart enough to be in the right place at the right time and to recognise my mate'.  or quite simply, they may have sudden thoughts of 'how fortunate am I to be where I am', but those thoughts will always be backed up by 'I made it happen'. And when things go sour, or terribly wrong, there's the other side of wisdom I'm also showing them at a young age which is 'everything happens for the right reason, you need to listen and look for the good of it all'.  I'm sure they will still search for 4-leaf clovers, because it's like searching for the hope diamond or holy grail - the big mystery to discover. But they're not out there desperately looking for one like I was as a child. 

I've chosen some beautiful photo's of a recent outing we took to see the bluebells. Once upon a time, I probably would have looked at my beautiful children and said 'I'm so lucky to have such beautiful children'.  Or looked at the beautiful bluebells and thought 'I'm so lucky to experience this sight'. But, instead, I'm actually saying 'I love my beautiful children and I enjoy watching them play in the forest and I'm patting myself on the back for choosing the right mate and right path in life that finds me here with my children' (and when they are squabbling with each other I give hubby all the credit....ha-ha, okay, just kidding).  And when I look at the bluebells and the beautiful nature I'm enjoying I think 'way to go you, for making the right choices in life that finds you here able to enjoy this view'.  And whilst I may not be saying 'thank god' for these things, I do have my own way of appreciating the entire realms of the universe and everything that brings it all together but I also think my energy contributes to it all. I take the time to thank myself, which is really really hard for me to do, because I grew up eating a lot of humble pie. I'm not so sure that's such a good thing, and maybe it's okay for children to grow up patting themselves on the back and believing in themselves to think that they are the ones who can make good things happen.  That it's not just luck.  

And this will leave you wondering if there's any hypocrisy about my next blog I'm posting which is going to show you the cascerones we made recently. But, I promise...there's not.  'tis just good fun.