Siblings

In the upper echelon of my 'Family Values' you will find siblings bonding over hugs, tears, squabbles, meal times, family outings and more. I grew up with 3 brothers and 1 sister, and though we certainly had our moments of intense battling with each other, in the end, we always have a strong sense of love (and some frustration) for one another. Sadly, we have scattered around the globe in our adult years, and are no longer in proximity to directly hug or squabble, but it's comforting to me that we do have lifetime childhood memories, milestones and stories to reflect back upon and that shape our family history. There's a silent string of loyalty that connects me always to my family, and though my parents are both deceased for many years now, I am sure that string is being pulled tightly by both of them. 

my mom smiling @ Zephyr

When I was a dramatic teenager who felt compelled to think 'life's not fair' on a rather consistent basis, I'd search out for whatever room in our home my mother would be either sewing, reading, cooking, canning her garden goodies or doing logic puzzles, and I would pour out my pity. She would listen (or at least pretend to listen), but if ever my mournful complaint was directed at one of my siblings, my mother was quick and instant to tell me to 'work it out'. I clearly remember her exact words of 'Your brothers and sister are all you'll have when your father and I pass on, and no matter what squabbles you go through in life, you always work it out with your siblings'. It was a demand with no negotiations.

my brother and I in Bavaria '07

I do have that bond with my siblings (with a few patchy rough spots on that above mentioned string), and I wish that we weren't scattered across the globe from each other. My husband and his siblings also are scattered thousands of miles from each other. I already get sorrowful thinking that one day my children will move far far away from me, but I suppose nowadays this is going to happen with job transfers and meeting mates to marry who are from other places. For me it was the need to move to England to be near the children's only surviving grandparents...because helping elderly parents is at very top-of-list of family values for me. But I always reflect on fond memories when I think back on my childhood of visiting frequently with our mother's big family who all still live close by to each other as a large extended family. And I have fond memories of going to visit my father's parents as well...we were always surrounded by Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents, Siblings. I'm saddened that those days kind of disappeared for my children, so I hang on to what I can for them. 
I have 4 children and find myself putting my all in to pulling that same bonding string tightly between them. My oldest is 17, and is my stepson. He was an only child until I came along at his age 9, and gave him a baby sister when he was 10. Then another sister arrived when he was 11, and a baby brother when he was 12. My younger children adore their older brother, and he's an amazing older brother to have. My daughters are now 6 and nearly 8, and though they put on a lot of sibling rivalry (sometimes they cant' stand each other!), they also have those days when they are inseparable.  My baby boy is 4, and has learned over the years that some times his sisters pull them in to their games, other times they are in their own girly world with each other and he, the boy, has no place in their game. I use to feel so sorry for him for being 'left out', until I discovered that he took advantage of the 'quiet time' for himself to go explore his individuality and 'boy stuff' the girls have minimal interest in. However, I notice these days now that one sister plays nicely with their baby brother all day while the other sister is enjoying 'alone time' (like right now, Cypress and Zephyr are playing board games whilst Indigo is off painting).  But most days all three children are interacting with each other making up imaginary lands to play together in. We also spend a lot of 'together' time doing things as a team. We made pancakes this morning, and I was able to do all the washing up whilst Indigo measured out the flour and oats, Zephyr cracked the egg and whisked in the milk, and Cypress set the table then did the final blending. When Zephyr whined that he wanted to 'measure something', Indigo let him help her with the oats, in a motherly type of way. On her own, with no coaxing from me. It was a happy moment.

Our children get to spend a LOT of time together since we home educate. They are certainly getting a lot of hands-on experience with finding a balance of enjoying that feeling of never being alone whilst communicating the need for their own space at times. They honestly have no choice but to work-it-out with learning to share their possessions, and NO, they don't work this sharing thing out too well at times. Two of my youngest share everything, but my middle youngest struggles with this. I don't expect that they figure everything out over night, and often times wish they would. They drive me crazy when they fight.  I let them work it out most times, and other times I am honest and will holler 'Cut it out please, you are driving me crazeeeee'.  
Good values take time and experience to learn, and I'm more confident in the outcome since our children are learning OUR family values and OUR behaviours versus the values or behaviours of their peers or the system at school.  Besides, children don't get much chance to 'learn' the value of sharing at school, they are simply told they must share and that's it. And they don't really get much time at school simply playing together to learn how to get on. You're either sitting in class and told to be quiet while the teacher talks, or you talk after you raise your hand and are told you can talk, then you're waiting in line together for lunch or recess time, or you're told how to play a game and you must follow the rules.....I don't see how that provides much time to build good social skills or bonds.  I remember spending whatever idle time at school we did get with trying to coerce my peers to break all the rules with me, or gossiping about another peer, or sneaking out to be naughty for the sake of being naughty. It was fun times for sure, but that time could have been used more wisely in a different situation.
I believe these daily challenges and conflicts my children go through with each other are also helping them to discover their individuality.  They are allowed to be themselvs and don't have to be like everyone else for the sake of 'orderly conduct'. There's unconditional love between them (they may not like each other, but they will always love each other), and I think that unconditional love is what gives my children the confidence to compete with each other over things. This isn't a bad competition, but a healthy one. One that winds up as Team Work in the end, because they always wind up teaming up with each other on things. Corporations spend much money sending their employees to 'Team Building' exercises so they learn how better to work together. Our children are naturally getting this experience by not being separated from each other 8+ hours a day each day.  
Later in life my children will learn to appreciate this bond. Knowing that they have someone they can talk with who knows Exactly what they are talking about. They will appreciate having someone they share a history with. They will have learned how to get on well with those who are different than them, because my kids are like night-and-day to each other personality wise.  They will have excellent skills in resolving conflicts, they will not experience huge disappointments when things don't always go their way (yes, they are terribly disappointed at this stage in their life, but over time, they will learn it), and they will learn that life isn't always fair. And during those times you can always call up your brother or sister and pour your heart out knowing they understand where you're coming from, even if they don't agree with you. 
But, most importantly, they will have a strong bond with each other. And I have peace within myself, as a mommy, knowing that this lifetime bond is there for my children.