The past few weeks have been filled with lots of making, doing, going with the weeuns, and also enormous amounts of 'deadlines' at work. combine that with 'getting older' (I turn 42 this year!), and all the new challenges that brings.......I'm blissfully zonkered out.
In the midst of all this blissful chaos, my husband and I were confronted by a rather complex situation from our teenagers college.
There are two colleges he attends. One is a college that our son got in to, on his own, a year earlier at age 16, to study Electrical Engineering (this is after years of unschooling and only 1 GCSE behind him...BUT, he impressed them at the college interview and was given the opportunity to sit the entrance exam despite no credentials. Then our son passed that exam with flying colours..........with zero time to study, because they gave the test right then and there!....yes, I'm kinda bragging)
The other college is a 'Life Skills' residential college that is nearby to the academic one. Our son lives in his own apartment with a few others who have same challenges as he, which all stems from varying levels of 'Aspergers'. This college has 100% success rate of teaching folks how to live independently.
We've all been tickled pink with this new found life for our teenage son (he entered last September). Since then, he's not only jumped two years of courses, but his job-placement programme have written him letters of recommendations and even attended his yearly college review to personally rave about our son. As did his academic college tutors, which we're told has never happened at the life-skills college before.
I feel as if I should be doing cartwheels over this; however, something tells me to reserve my energy because this is just a drop-in-the-bucket from the 'Wows' our son will impress the world with. Since becoming his stepmum at his age 8, I just knew he was one of those 'Bill Gates, Eintstein' type genius'
Now let's fast-forward to two weeks ago, when the life-skills residential college emailed my husband asking us to hand over Derek's 'DLA' so he could learn to budget this money himself.
Many would likely think, 'oh! what a brilliant idea!'
HOWEVER, the college administrator ended her request with an explanation that 'Derek wants to learn how to budget his income so he can pay for his clothes, food, activities, etc.'
Before we could respond to this administrator to advise that DLA (Disability Living Allowance) is not ''Income'', but is an allowance to pay for 'disability expenses', Derek was home for the weekend and wanted eagerly to discuss this 'DLA Income' (he called it) with us.
We asked him 'okay, sure, what do you feel it should be budgeted for', and his response was 'well, for my television priveleges at school, oh, and also, I will start taking the train back to college from home on weekends so I can save that money'
Okay, here is where it gets super frustrating.
FIRST..........why did this college bring Derek in to this discussion before consulting with us?
SECOND.....why are they calling (and teaching Derek) that it is 'Income' versus 'disability allowance'?
THIRD.......why does our son think it is okay to use a 'disability allowance' for television privileges
This is where my thoughts on the overall situation comes in. I am more than 'pissed off' that this college is teaching our son that he should consider this disability allowance as 'income', and they, themselves, are suggesting it is income to budget for everyday things like clothes, rent, council tax, food and activities. (these are what they listed in an email to us). Unfortunately, this is the mentality of a lot of people today. Take as many 'handouts' as you can.
Derek has Aspergers. He does not need special cars for handicap impaired, thus, he does not need extreme mobility assistance. But he does need assistance maneuvering on public transport until he can figure out on his own. (the Life Skills college sends a buddy with Derek to travel until they, and we, feel he's okay to do it on his own).
He does not need special disability clothes, nor does he pay rent or council tax. We would expect Derek to get a job and pay these things from his 'Income' just like we do. Derek also does not pay for his food. His tuition includes a weekly stipend he must budget for cooking his meals (which is another grumble I have......because they do not encourage the kids to really budget properly by buying nutritious ingredients to cook meals. they encourage buying premade frozen non-nutritious junk from cheap supermarkets, or McDonalds! BLECH). And when Derek is at home, he eats nutritiously for free! Because we cannot have him buying his own frozen blech dinners whilst the rest of us eat family meals. He is our family and there is no separate budget for his food versus ours. Besides, Derek was obsessed with eating healthy food before heading off to college.
SO! why the heck is this college wanting us to just hand over the DLA to Derek to 'budget'. ???
Why are they considering 'clothes' and 'food' and 'activities' as a portion of 'disability living allowance'???
Because, it is a terrible mentality the world has devolved to. Derek gets this monthly DLA due to his disability. It pays for the extra petrol we spend when we have to drive him an hour plus away for his orthodontics appointment, for the braces he got for free since the doctors concluded that if his teeth were straightened, it would straighten his jaw, and thus, improving his hearing (Derek's disability is Aspergers and Severe Hearing Impairment that requires hearing aids since he was 3 yrs old). the DLA pays for the extra petrol to bring Derek to ENT appointments for ear infections, hearing aid malfunctions, etc. The DLA pays for the assisted travel companion when Derek takes public transportation.
It does not pay for clothes for Derek! he does not need any special clothes for his disability.
It does not pay for television privileges for Derek! he does need television for his disability.
It does not pay for DVD's, video games, etc. for Derek.
But this college is encouraging Derek to take his DLA and budget for these things with such allowance.
Most parents probably think of this as a child's 'money' just like this college does. they have hundreds of students whose parents probably responded with 'Sure! what a great idea...teach him to budget this money'.
My husband and I agree that WE will provide an allowance out of our personal income that will be given to Derek to personally budget for his own needs like clothes (not television.....forget about that, because we don't watch telly at home anyway!, and not his computer games)
We are more than willing to accept that our lives have transitioned from Derek being at home 100%; where we simply pay for these things anyway, to where Derek is living ''on his own'' and needs the money to pay for these things himself. And he's in that transition age of still depending on home before he's a full-fledge adult with 100% earned income. We'll continue to pay for these things Derek needs (out of our own money!), or give him the allowance to pay and budget for himself, until he's graduated college, or moved on to his next phase of 'adult hood'. That time in life when you simply start paying your own way and learning how to get on in life. That age varies by child.
I'm disappointed that this school is encouraging our son to live-off of a DLA and consider it as 'income'. I would think that the more Derek learns from this Life-Skills college, then the less DLA he will need. Shouldn't that be what they are encouraging him towards? Or AT LEAST, approach all of us with a proper list of items for 'disability allowance' that Derek should learn to budget? IF Derek will need assisted-living for his entire life (possibly he will.....I read so many stories about Einstein who got lost walking home in his neighborhood, day after day, and they suspect now that he had Aspergers), then for sure he should continue getting a DLA in full.
However, I'm afraid that the mentality of most people today is to take as many handouts as the government will give you. How many people reading this are thinking 'what? get what you can!'
.......Ugh!
Seriously, folks. If the college handed over a list of proper items they were going to teach Derek to budget a DLA for, then we'd simply hand it over.
In meantime, we are explaining these things to Derek and we will provide an allowance for what he needs, that he can budget for on his own. (that he will eventually earn his own income to pay for)...whilst we try to educate the college about what 'DLA' is all about. In one more year, Derek will have the entire DLA to budget on his own anyway........let's hope in that year the college (and maybe the rest of the world?) get their priorities straight to teach what these extra allowances for a disability should be used for
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